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WARNING: you can get a fine of $250 if you try some of these!!!! I'm worning you NOW!! These are here to laugh at not to nessesarly try!! If you do, it's not my fault.

1.  Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond.  
Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.
3.  Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack.
4.  Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents.
5.  At the bottom of an escalator, scream "MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!"
6.  Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD prices are in pesos or rubles.
7.  Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsellable.
8.  Stomp on unopened tomato ketchup packets at Burger King...
8 1/2  ...but save a few to slurp on as snacks. Tell people that they're "astronaut food."
9.  Follow patrons of B. Dalton's around while reading aloud from "Dianetics."
10.  Ask mall cops for stories of World War II.
11.  Ask a salesman why a particular television set is labeled black and white and insist that it's a color set. When he disagrees, give him a strange look and say, "You mean you really can't see it?"
12.  Construct a new porch deck in the tool department of Sears.
13.  Wear pancake makeup and new clothes and pose as a fashion dummy in clothes departments, occasionally screaming without warning.
14.  Test mattresses in your pjyamas.
15.  Ask the tobaccanist if his hovercraft is full of eels.
16.  If you're patient, stare intently into a surveillance camera for an hour while rocking from side to side.
16.  Sprint up the down escalator.
17.  Stare at static on a display tv and challenge other shoppers whether they, too, can see the "hidden picture."
18.  Ask appliance personnel if they have any tv's that play only in Spanish.
19.  Make unusual requests at the Piercing Pagoda.
20.  Ask a salesperson in the hardware department how well a particular saw cuts through bone.
21.  At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there's much meat on them.
22.  Hula dance by the demonstration air conditioner.
23.  Ask for red-tinted lenses at the optometrist.
24.  Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray *them* with your own bottle of Eau de Swane.
25.  Rummage through the jelly bean bin at the candy store, insisting that you lost a contact lens.
26.  Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard.
27.  In the changing rooms, announce in a singsong voice, "I see London, I see France..."
28.  Leave on the plastic string connecting a new pair of shoes, and wander around the mall taking two-inch steps.
29.  Play the tuba for change.
30.  Ask the Hamond organ dealer if he can play "Like a Virgin."
31.  Record belches on electronic sampling keyboards, and perform gastric versions of Jingle Bells for admiring onlookers.
32.  Ask the pharmacist at the drugstore which leading cold remedy will "give you a really wicked buzz."
33.  Ask the personnel at Pier 1 Imports whether they have "any giant crap made out of straw."
34.  "Toast" plastic gag hot dogs in front of the fake fireplace display.
35.  Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious tracts.
36.  Ask the information desk for a pram(stroller), and someone to push you around in it.
37.  Change every TV in the electronics department to a station showing "Saved by the Bell." Chant the dialogue in a robotic voice, and scream if anyone tries to switch channels on one of the sets.
38.  Hang out in the waterbed section of the furniture department wearing a Navy uniform. Occasionally run around in circles yelling "scratch one flattop!"
39.  Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are "leakproof."
40.  "Play" the demo modes of video games at the arcade. Make lots of explosion noises.
41.  Stand transfixed in front of a mirror bobbing your head up and down.
42.  Pay for all your purchases with two-dollar bills to provoke arguments over whether they're real.
43.  If it's Christmas, ask the mall Santa to sit on *your* lap.
44.  Answer any unattended service phones that ring in department stores and say "Domino's."
45.  Try on flea collars at the pet store while occasionally pausing to scratch yourself.
46.  At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your back permed.
47.  Show people your driver's license and demand to know "whether they've seen this man."
48.  Buy a jawbreaker from the candy store. Return fifteen minutes later, fish it out of your mouth, and demand to know why it hasn't turned blue yet.
49.  Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they don't realise it.
50.  Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
51.  Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
52.  When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
53.  Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
54.  Make a trail of orange juice on the floor, leading to the restrooms.
55.  Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
56.  While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
57.  Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.
58.  Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
59.  In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.
60.  Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say, 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
61.  When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and mumble, 'It's those voices again'.
62.  Go into a fitting room and yell real loud, "Hey! We're out of toilet paper in here!"
63.  Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
64.  Hold indoor shopping cart races.
65.  "Test" the tooth brushes. Afterwards, place them back on the shelves in their packaging.
66.  Walk up to complete strangers and say,"Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. and see if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
67.  Ride Escalators up and down.
68.  Take objects off counters and place them in unsuspecting shoper's baggages.
69.  Place "Kick me " signs on unsuspecting mall cops.
70.  Unleash a box full of ants in stores.
71.  Pretend you are answering to someone very loudley, when people tell you to be quiet yell "Shut up i am talking to the voices".
72.  At fast food restaurant areas, show people your scabs, blisters and moles.
73.  Well people are about to buy a video game tell them its not so good, the trick is to see how many people you can convince not to buy a game.
74.  Ask Mall cops lots of questions(this works well if you have a frined for stealing distractions:} )
75.  When someone enters a store, put a sticker on them revieling your the(number)'th customer to enter the store, enjoy your stay.
76.  Stand by picture booths, when a couple is about to take a picture, immedialey jump in with a good excuse.
77.  Free the animals in the pet store, tell the store owner the voices in your head told you to complete this task.
78.  Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5
minute intervals.
79.  Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
rest rooms.
80.  Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official
tone,' Code 3' in house wares,...and see what happens.
81.  Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay
82.  Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.
83.  While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the
clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
84.  Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming
the theme from 'Mission Impossible.'
85.  In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using
different size funnels.
86.  When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!"
87.  Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while and
then yell loudly "There's no toilet paper in here."
88.  Juggle the fruits.
89.  Wedge things in all the freezer and refrigerator doors so that they don't close all the way.
90.  Buy a live lobster and set it free in the store.
91.  Shake all the sodas.
92.  Have shopping cart races down the aisles.
93.  Talk to the fresh fish.
94.  Dump the tray of food samples in your purse. 
95.  Pop the champagne bottles.
93.  Use cantaloupes for bowling balls and pineapples for bowling pins and hold a bowling tournament in the aisles.
94.  "Accidentally" drop a jar of pickles and walk away very, very fast.
95.  Fill a shopping cart with things like toilet paper, diapers, and kleenex and leave it in the cereal aisle.
96.  Throw a party.
97.  Use a banana as a telephone and talk to your Aunt Martha.
98.  Go to sleep in a shopping cart in the middle of an aisle.
99.  Make race car noises as you "drive" your shopping cart up and down the aisles.
100.  Try to auction off a grapefruit.
101.  When they ask you if you want "paper or plastic" reply, "Papestic please."
102.  Switch the price labels on very expensive items with those of very cheap items.
103.  Play hopscotch on the tiles on the floor.
104.  Tell them you are with the Department of Health and you need to test all of their foods.
105.  Get in the express line with more than ten items.
106.  Try a food sample and then say in a loud voice, "This tastes horrible!" 
107.  Whenever someone is blocking the aisle in front of you go "beep beep!"
108.  Buy 75 sticks of deodorant.
109.  Randomly stick boxes of Midol into guys' shopping carts when they aren't looking.
110.  Ask one of the cashiers if they have any pork that is suitable for a sacrificial offering.
111.  Sing "Mary Had a Little Lamb" very loudly while walking around the supermarket with a shopping cart full of lamb chops.
112.  Play with the pet toys.
113.  Stick grapes in your mouth and spit them at people who aren't looking. When they turn around look the other way.
114.  One word: kleptomania!
115.  Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
116.  Start playing Football; see how many people you can get to join in.
117.  Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing
your legs together and practically yell at him " I need some tampons!!"
118.  Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.
119.  Try on bras over top of your clothes.
120.  Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms
121.  While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "sex and candy" 
122.  Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
123.  Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all on and turn the volumes to "10".
124.  Play with the automatic doors.
125.  Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.
126.  Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins. 
127.  As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
128.  Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
129.  Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
130.  Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
131.  Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
132.  Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
133.  TP as much of the store as possible.
134.  Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
135.  Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
136.  When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
137.  Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
138.  Take up the whole isle with the battle between Batman vs. the X-Men.
139.  Take bets on the battle described above.
140.  Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!!)
141.  Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission: Impossible."
142.  Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
143.  Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
144.  Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.
145.  Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
146.  Two words: "Marco Polo."
147.  Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
148.  "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
149.  Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them
150.  While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Exp: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.
151.  Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
152.  Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
153.  Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie."
154.  Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putting one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles
155.  When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
156.  Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
157.  Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
158.  Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
159.  Redress the mannequins as you see fit.
160.  When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
161.  Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
162.  Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
163.  Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time. 
164.  Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
165.  Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
166.  Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."
167.  Drive around the entrances screaming out the window "the British are coming "

If you do try some of these, remember, it's not my fault!